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❝ Vulnerability is so fucking scary. But here's a start. Say it loud and proud.
( posted on Monday, May 5, 2025 @ 7:48 AM )
Dear Farah Elina, How did you went from being strong positive person to a sobby person right now in the matter of hours? To the tomorrow farah elina, maybe you should take it a tab bit slow with the drinking. We are currently 2 glass in. How did we get so fucking light weight? Oh ya, we kinda stopped for a while. I know exactly what you're doing. You're afraid of your own feelings. It's okay to be weak. It's alright. LEt me (28 yo farah) hold you (16 year old farah). I know you just want warmth. JAngan engkau nangis (joes playing this song lol) 28 year old farah, you really gotta work on your self esteem. You are constantly self-sabotaging, just because you think you're not good enough. You abandon yourself and everything you worked for, because you think you're not worthy of it. You run before everyone leaves. Because in your mind, thats what everyone does. I see you scared and it's alright. ITs all alright and okay.......... You will be okay. REminding you of your previous post. Stay strong. Your loved one needs you most right now. BE strong. Stand tall. Chin up. I hope you see this pattern and work on it with your therapist. Time for change, sayang. Be sad, cry, hold yourself. Get the fuckkkk up. You have one hour. That's all we're allowed. And then we move forward. Alright? REmember to be the change you want in this world. IT doesn't have to be all broken and damanged. Be the light. I know you will. He needs you now. More than ever. Listen, the world is not out here to get you. In fact, the universe is neutral. It's here co-existing with you. Observing you. Watching. Every single spec of thing , down to the cells, is running it's own course, fulfilling its purpose. What is yours, farah? The universe it neither wishing harm on you or rooting for you. Here's a perspective for you, take charge. RUN YOUR FUCKING COURSE, BITCH. And then watch. Watch how the flowers bloom for you. Even then the rain pours, it waters and give live. Letting you know, the world as what you make it to be. Remember that. Always.
❝ Today's thoughts
( posted on @ 5:24 AM )
I am not a victim I will take charge of my life Life is what I want it to be I shall be the best For me, for Joe This is what we deserve The best version of me To show up Even in defeat I shall rise And I have Joe As I have God I shall be a Joe for Joe Joe's remark: Picasso *chef kiss* ❝ Greetings from 2025
( posted on Saturday, May 3, 2025 @ 10:13 AM )
Hello self,
We are now in 2025. *DUn DUN DUNNNNNN* WTF????? How crazy is this? Just went through a mental break down haha. Fighting to be with the love of my love, I admit, I was bat shit insane, but aren't we all in 2025. Welp, one thing that hasn't changed is that, I am still a hopeless romantic. Joe, you're stuck with me forever. Everyone else will have to fight me, I will literally flying kick all you bitches. I am now 28 years old. Can we please take a moment to digest this information? That's like fucking 16 years from when I started blogging. I started blogging when I was 12, already with readers. Hello, Joe. Glad to see you still here. A quick update, I am now with the (kind of) weird shuffling kid that was in 6N class who I knew always had a crush on me. Yeah, we are living together in the same roof now, or 5 years. Yall, i dont even know how to begin to describe our love. All I can say it..... brazy. How universe works. Here, look at us! So cute.  He just came into the room to give me a kiss and asked me what I wanted from burger king. He instantly knew I wanted cheese sticks. This man kknows me inside and out. Theres literally no hiding from him. He sees right through me. fuck...... and now, he's trying to find our pet cat Mumu to accompany me in bed while he has a little fun with his boys upstairs. I just had a mental breakdown btw. Oh ya, in 2025, ppl kinda take mental health seriously now (thank fuck). No, you are not crazy for seeing a therapist. I just subscript to a package plan with my adult money. Anyway, here's a recap of how life has been:
Teenage life was complete blanked out. Sorry, blame the tramua. All I rmb was that I was a good kid though, stayed out of trouble. Obedient. Things turned south after uni. To be fucking honest, it was about time. I was a late late bloomer. Everyone else was rebellious when they were a teen. But, even when life was fucking fucking difficult, man oh man, the lessons I learnt. ❝ Lesson
( posted on Tuesday, April 21, 2015 @ 7:40 AM )
Just about an hour ago, I had to go through something really horrible. A nightmare, really.
I shouldn't be talking about it much. Or else I'll get emotional. Meh.
But I do wanna talk about something quite important.
I never blamed God for what I went through. Of course I'm sad and hurt. But I knew it was for a reason. Because I know behind all these pain, is just another lesson for me to learn.
And tonight, I learnt about forgiveness, kindness and patience.
Obviously, I've done things I'm not proud of. Especially SAID things I'm not proud of.
I'm just a human. I make mistakes. I could lose my temper any second no matter how hard I try to be patient. I always try to keep things to myself. And because of that, people have ABSOLUTELY no idea what I'm going through at all.
I've been through lots of things which are really heartbreaking. I have trust issues now. REALLY SERIOUS trust issues, seriously. It's just heartbreaking that every time I give my trust to someone, they decide to betray it and yet they always ask for forgiveness and for a second chance. WHY?
Then I realise that I was just the same. I constantly sin and ask for forgiveness from God.
Sometimes, people take our kindness for granted. And we get mad. But most of us take God's mercy for granted. No?
Now THAT'S lesson number 1.
After going through all that, for some reason I decided to go on Twitter and looked through Mufti Menk's tweets. *click on his name for more of his tweets* It helped me calm down and kinda made me realise my mistake.
And these are some of the tweets that I retweeted.
We are often betrayed by the ones we trust, blamed for things we haven't done, deserted by loved ones in times of need. Trust HIM to heal. However deeply you may be hurt by someone, try to forgive. This could just be the act that takes away all your pains on Judgement Day. And then suddenly, I received a DM on Twitter. Someone who was going through the same thing as I did, thanked me for retweeting them & I guess, for the reminder. It made me feel a lot better. I find it kinda warm and comforting for some reason. Mainly because it has been awhile since anyone has said anything comforting to me. YES, we need to be strong at times. We need to be able to pick ourselves up when we fall. But sometimes I need support. Sometimes I can't do it alone. Staying strong for way too long is actually kinda tiring. Not to mention, a little depressing. And then I asked myself, how often do I actually say all these lovely, heartwarming things to people? Not that often, really. And I need to change that. Because I realised there WILL be people going through bad days and sometimes a little compliment would help a lot. So from now on, I'll try to spread love as much as I can. (those who are reading this, YOU should be doing this too haha) And then, this is where kindness & patience comes in. Sometimes, it's just better to be kind. A lot of people think being kind = weak. NO, you people are so wrong. A lot of people think people who don't swear are weak and stuff, but no. You're wrong. Really wrong. It takes A LOT to control your tongue. It's hard. It really is. It's takes a lot to be kind and patient. Seriously. Until one day, I got fed up. I didn't wanna be "weak". Because no one really listens to the "weak" and would always think "oh it's okay, she doesn't mean what she said, she'll forgive me anyway" I decided that people who hurt me, deserves to be treated the same. And that's how I started losing my patience. And I hated it. I could feel myself changing into someone I'd hate. Deep down I knew, this isn't something I should be doing. And because of what I went through JUST NOW, it made me realise a whole lot of things. I realised I've lost myself for awhile. And it's time for me to return. To the way I should be. To be someone I want to be. To be kind and patient. To be understanding. To be someone what Islam has taught me to be. That's what I really want to achieve. Insha'Allah (if God wills) He'll make it easier for me and everyone else to achieve that. Amen. I don't blame that person for treating me that way just now. Yeah, I'm beyond sad and hurt. But it's okay. When we're angry, our temper masks the beauty of our inner selves. Maintain your composure; deal with each situation calmly no matter what. And one more thing I've learnt is to make peace with everything. Everything. Inner peace is so important, guys. It's incredibly important. The past may hurt. But all you need to do is let go. I know it's not easy. No one said it would be easy. If it was easy, the world would be a much more peaceful place. If something/someone is holding you back from obtaining PEACE, just let it go. *frozen let it go song in the background HAHA.* At least, LEARN to let go. It may take some time. But I promise, you'll feel a whole lot better. By HURTING others the way they hurt you, is useless really. When you realise how wrong it is, you'll realise how much pain you've caused someone, really. By hurting someone, it shows who you really are and how mean you are. It only ruins your own reputation and most importantly, your inner peace. Now if you love yourself, you wouldn't want to go through all that. Would you? I had to learn it the hard way. Anyway, there are much more things I want to talk about but I'm a little busy right now. I'll just continue some other time. I hope some of you will benefit from this post, insha'Allah (if God wills). Love, Elina. ❝ Who Am I?
( posted on Monday, April 20, 2015 @ 12:32 AM )
I knew if I started blogging, I wouldn't stop. (It kinda shows how much I keep things to myself huh?) Unless I'm busy with college and stuff.
But right now, I have a lot of time in my hands. So might as well just blog.
I have quite a lot of things in my mind which I dare not share with anyone lately.
I've been feeling a little lonely these days. Just a little. But I don't mind being alone. I know some people who are in constant need of a company and dislike doing anything at all alone.
But I'm not like that. I mean I used to hate being alone. But now I kinda just got used to it and somehow kinda enjoy being alone.
When I tell people that, they think it's really depressing. But really, it's not.
I MEAN OF COURSE, I wouldn't mind spending time with my friends at all.
In fact, I love spending time with my friends and family. But you know, I'm just saying, sometimes, we need to spend time alone to learn more about ourselves. About who we really are.
But sometimes, I just need someone to talk to. ❝ I like it that way. *that's what she said*
( posted on Sunday, April 19, 2015 @ 8:47 PM )
Wow. It has been such a long time since I've blogged.I remember I started blogging a couple years back, like back in 2008 I think. I stopped blogging around 2012. ANNNDDDD Did you know that I was really determined to be a successful and famous blogger? HAHA. Blogging helps me to feel, I guess you could say, LESS stressed out about my problems. I wonder why I stopped. Anyway, I've been thinking about blogging again. Mainly to release stress. I know noooobody would probably read my blog but oh well. I like it that way. |
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Hello. Welcome to the blog of an introvert who thinks she's actually an extrovert, but really, no. I created this blog to show the world what am weirdo I am. *with pride*. I hope you enjoy my everyday adventure. The adventure is out there! Instagram : @farahelina Follow @flowerrelina mailbox.
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